Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
