I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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