Your dad touched me again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
