oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
