whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
