pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
