Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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