Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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