i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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