He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
