Do you still have your period?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
