Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
