She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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