She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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