Where did you get a picture of my penis
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
