just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
