id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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