Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
