Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
