why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
