If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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