she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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