so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
