Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
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