Whod you bang
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
