I heard we made out
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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