i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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