If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
