somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
