I'm laying in your front yard are you home
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
