Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
They have beer where we have blood.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
