Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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