Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
