my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
