wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
