who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
