I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
