what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
