I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
