He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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