saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
