walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dignity is for republicans.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
