What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!