There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP