He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
