Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
