you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
