I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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