I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
