I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.