He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.