she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.