Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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