I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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