just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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