I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
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You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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