Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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