period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
NoShamevember. You game?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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