yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
