I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
