smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
