I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize