If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
