Yo dont text me then not text me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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