Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
