i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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