Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
